人痛苦就是一直想求, 已經有卻求更多, 求不得苦啊!

沒有期待，更容易與人相處   文．日本國寶劇作家橋田壽賀子

你也想要擁有這樣的晚年嗎？那你可能要從年輕時代，就要能夠找到自己所喜歡的工作，

並且專注埋首其中，長年累月下來，你必然能夠我行我素，無所牽掛，暫時把告一個段落的工作丟下，環遊世界去。

日本國寶劇作家橋田壽賀子，在經典戲劇《阿信》和《冷暖人間》中，用筆鋒刻劃出無數悲喜交織的人生，

讓影迷為之動容；這次，她將用情感真摯的文字，娓娓道出自己的人生體悟，是獻給亞洲讀者的最好禮物！

【書摘試閱】

文．橋田壽賀子

2010/07 康健雜誌 7月份網路專欄

不倚靠孩子的生活方式

處理人際關係時，因為有所期待，因而傾盡心力對待對方，結果認為自己「遭到對方背叛」的人好像很多。

其中最嚴重的對象多數是自己的孩子。因為認定將來需要孩子照顧的期待心理驅使，導致拚命地寵愛孩子。

有些父母單方面想著「將來要讓孩子照顧自己」，然後建造兩代同居的住宅。但是與兒子夫婦幾乎很少接觸，

於是又發出「不應該是這樣的啊」等抱怨的想法，這樣的人比預料中還要多。

這些人當中有些會因為心中很在意，而偷窺兒子夫婦的生活，然後說些「昨天有人送糖果給他們，

竟然沒分給我」或者「自己吃火鍋，也不叫我」，盡是想些瑣碎的事。

要糖果可以自己買呀！兒子和媳婦自己吃火鍋，你也可以找好吃的東西慰勞自己，不時招待朋友一起過

快樂的生活。針對每件瑣事去留意兒子夫婦的生活，因此每天活在怨恨的心情裡，最後還是不能解決任何問題啊！

過度期待會認為自己遭到背叛

其實，希望孩子在你有事的時候能照顧你，這種想法本身就是錯誤。當你對孩子有過度的期待時，

很容易就會將這種心情轉化，認為孩子背叛你。

但是對孩子們來說，他們根本不認為這是背叛。事前也沒跟你商談，也沒有約定，他們完全不了解雙親的想法。

於是你就抱怨「期待他十項，他只做到五項」事實難道不是這樣嗎？

　因此，改掉這種想法就沒事了。把一開始的期待放在零上面，因為是零期待所以你不會抱怨「他只做到五項」

而是改口「他竟然做到五項」的想法。

　如果你到現在才說出「我蓋房子給你們住」「我替你們付買公寓的頭期款」這種好像要從事等值交換的條件，

也只能得到不滿的心情而已。

　照理說年輕的夫婦資金不夠買房子，替他們蓋房子也沒什麼。問題是，不是送給他們錢，而是借給他們。

即使是親子關係也要打契約，讓他們每個月攤還借出去的錢。

換句話說自己要下功夫，想辦法有錢可以過富裕的退休生活。

　如果你還是覺得孩子很可憐，實在不忍心，那就將他們還的錢存在銀行裡，以後再給他們。

重要的是必需守住人與人之間的「分際」而已。

如果你一直有一搭沒一搭地支援孩子，孩子就會被你寵壞而沒有辦法獨立。

　一直把孩子當成自己的東西看，孩子就習慣被寵，因為孩子喜歡受寵就覺得開心，

這樣的父母也是無法獨立的父母。

孩子是孩子，我是我

總之，我的觀點是即使你跟家人同住，還是要秉持「基本上你還是一個人」的意識。

「過了二十歲的兒女就是屬於社會的，養兒育女的任務結束後，你也要回歸社會」這就是我的想法。

在所謂的少子化（孩子少，父母老）的現代社會，每一個孩子的花費的確明顯增加了。

每一家的父母親都很自然地想，只要是為了孩子就該盡量去做。但是，還是應該避免為孩子花費太多金錢。

我的話好像很無情，我一直認為，建立孩子大學畢業後，應該還給父母大學學費的制度，應該是很好的作法。

父母可以替孩子出高中為止的學費，但是孩子如果大學畢業成了社會人士，就應該將大學學費分期攤還給父母。

如果這樣做，孩子腦中就有獨立的意識會萌芽。再說從父母的角度不得不考慮，如果自己一生中賺的錢

全都花在孩子上，孩子長大離去之後，自己還有很長的日子要過，生活可能變得很困難。

對父母親而言，孩子獨立的時候，也正是再度回復自我的時候，也因此，

我勸大家一定要花點錢在重新培育自己、讓自己成長這件事情上。

如果父母與孩子雙方都能獨立，這一來就可以彼此協助和慰勞。親子間談錢並非是污濁或無情的行為，

我們不應該有這種意識。如果為人父母或子女的人不能夠從頭修正自己的生活觀，

當然就不可能找到自己想要的幸福。

　因此我認為，必須從黏黏膩膩的親子關係中脫身，過清爽乾脆的親子生活，才能確保好的心情。

【橋田壽賀子 精采語錄】

◎跟親戚、鄰居之間，盡合理的義務就夠了

只和自己想真心交往的人維持關係，生活應該會更美好。請先釐清對自己最重要的到底是什麼？

這就是能讓你輕鬆活下去的秘訣。

◎夫婦不說話，不一定就是不和樂

意見合不合與感情好壞無關，夫妻吵架也是一種溝通；時常把「都是託你的福」掛嘴邊，

感恩和讚美就是夫妻關係的潤滑劑。

◎別等臨終才來「立遺囑」

不管是財產分配或葬禮想要如何辦，都一定要遺囑中寫清楚，並且年年拿出來檢視或修正。

本人如果不在生前交代清楚，反而會造成後代爭議的起火點。

◎認定人本來就不同，就會發現對方的優點

對兒媳婦，如果從開始就不喜歡，那麼就算她有優點，相信你也會看不到。

問題是無論是誰，多少都有優點，最重要的是認真地找出這個人的優點，然後承認和接受它。

◎別期待靠孩子過活！

照理說年輕的夫婦資金不夠買房子，替他們蓋房子也沒什麼。問題是，不是送給他們錢，而是借給他們。

即使是親子關係也要打契約，讓他們每個月攤還借出去的錢。

換句話說自己要下功夫，想辦法有錢可以過富裕的退休生活。

◎要有勇氣「討厭時就直說」

拒絕之後，可能有人會說「那個人好冷漠」，不過漫長的人生中，這只是小事一樁而已，不必太在意。

因為在意別人的批評，結果卻不能過著自己想過的生活，這樣不是很無趣嗎？

◎人生只此一回，想去那就去吧！

旅行不一定要完全照著行程表前進，看眼前什麼是最重要的，想清楚再做，事後才不會後悔，人生亦然。

埋首工作之餘，別忘留意四周美景，活在當下才是旅行的意義。

Ever had days like these???  If not, you haven't had a computer long enough.



















 

 

 FRUITS & THEIR  BENEFITS...!!!

 Our body requires a variety of proteins, carbohydrates, vitamins, calories, fat, enzymes, trace elements, antioxidants for its metabolism and most importantly to enhance the immune system against the diseases and strengthen our body. To get the optimum health benefits, it is recommended to eat variety of fresh organic fruits to furnish our body with essential nutrients. So, here are some captivating pictures of mouth watering fresh fruits along with the information of its benefits.
Cherries:

Cherries have the highest content of iron and disease fighting antioxidants compared to other fruits. The fruits contain vitamin C and E, iron, fiber, potassium and magnesium. It is understood through the researchers from Michigan that cherries can reduce cholesterol level, insulin levels and blood sugar, besides raising the antioxidant capacity of the blood. Every 100 grams of fresh cherries have higher percentage of vitamin A which is five times more than apples and grapes and twenty fresh cherries may keep us away from depression mood.

 

Grapes:

According to Cancer Research Institute of London, grapes are good for women. They help them to avoid the painful wound related with breast cancer treatment.

Grapes also protect heart and blood vessels against oxidative tissue damage. Hypertension could be controlled by consuming one cup of grape juice and one cup of celery juice each with warm water three times a day for twenty days. Give a break of 5-7 days after 20 days and start the treatment freshly for another 20 days.

 

Oranges:

Orange is one of most popular fruits in the world. It is a citrus fruit with excellent source of vitamin C. They are also good source of dietary fiber, vitamin A, B, B1, calcium and potassium. By consuming oranges frequently we can reduce the risk of cancers and heart diseases. Oranges containing the smooth textured skin will have higher juice content than those that are spongy or lighter in weight. Small oranges are juicier than the larger ones.

Grapefruit:

 

 

Grapefruit has lot of natural fiber and reduces the blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, insulin, cardiovascular diseases, etc. It also promotes salivary and gastric digestion, eases constipation, stimulates appetite, maintains the health of intestines, etc. Infact, this is the best fruit to protect us from diseases like dysentery, diarrhea, typhus, etc. It also induces the production of enzymes to prevent from cancer.

Patients suffering from diabetics are advised to eat three grapefruits three times everyday to improve their diabetic condition. The purple grape fruit with plenty of antioxidant compounds is recommended for great health benefits. It protects from liver and kidney disorders and also improves skin form.

 

Strawberries (Arbutus unedu):

 

 

 

Strawberry is the most delicious and nutritious fruit that has the ability to remove harmful toxin in the blood. This fruit is recommended for constipation, high blood pressure, skin cancer, sluggish liver, rheumatism etc. It is yet another fruit which is consumed as skin cleansing food. The strawberry is cut into half and rubbed on teeth and gums to remove tartar from the teeth and to strengthen and heal the gums. In order to dissolve the tartar the juice has to remain on teeth as long as possible and later the mouth has to be rinsed with warm water.

Raspberries:

Raspberries are the most delicious and healthy fruit with vitamins, antioxidants, manganese and fiber. Fiber helps slow the digestive process so that we do not feel hungry quickly. Manganese is a trace mineral that helps keep our metabolic rate high, which in turn burns fat. Its seed oil has a natural sun protection factor. It contains high quantity of polyphenolic compounds and ellagic acid, which are known to restrain cancer cells. The anthocyanins present in raspberry will reduce the risk of heart disease and also delay the effects of aging.

 

Banana :

 

 

Banana has a high amount of carbohydrate that can be transformed into energy in our body. Its nutrient benefits our heart, kidney, muscle, nerve and bones. For the people suffering with symptoms like potassium deficiency which include mind fogginess, nervous shaking, body tiredness, excessive perspiration of their limbs, etc., can be improved by eating banana.

危險的免費的鑰匙圈(請參考 )

 

危險的免費的鑰匙圈    有不肖份子假冒推銷員在加油站或停車場等地發免費的鑰匙圈!      這個鑰匙圈具有可讓他們跟蹤你的追蹤裝置晶片. 請千萬不要接受.他們挑選看來較易下手的受害者,如果你接受了,你將陷入他們的圈套中.   這個鑰匙圈非常漂亮,很難抗拒想要它,但記住後果是你可能須付出更大的代價,包括危及性命.

Mini Car for Mini People

Faces Made By Nature  

Inductive Amplifier  

You conceal your laptop in the car from prying eyes and return to find it gone. Still wondering how the thieves knew? The mystery as to how thieves could single out vehicles for the laptops stored inside has been resolved with the arrest of two Indonesian men. The key to the mystery is this harmless-looking gadget called an inductive amplifier.  

This came to light after Selangor police arrested the two foreigners in an ambush at Kampung Changkat, Gombak. Police recovered the gadget and seized several laptops, custom-made break-in tools, handbags and watches among other items. The suspects are believed to be behind at least 20 cases of theft from cars.  

An inductive amplifier, an electronic device similar to a handheld metal detector and as small as a hairbrush, is used to “sniff” out laptops kept in parked cars. The conventional use of the inductive amplifier is the location of breaks in hidden wires, even buried in concrete. The typical wire detection range in a concrete wall is 10-20 cm.  

A check on eBay revealed that the inductive amplifier is priced about $60. This means anyone can easily purchase one and start a laptop stealing business.  

After knowing about this, I would strongly reconsider putting my laptop in the car boot unattended ever again. My previous practice was to remove the battery from the laptop first before keeping the laptop in the boot. I thought that the laptop detector works by sensing live circuit in the laptop even though the laptop is not on. Now I know the laptop detector is actually inductive amplifier which can be bought from electronic shop.